Thursday, January 10, 2019

What To Say When Stopped for Speeding

Policeman stopping a speeder
A man is driving down the road, speeding quite a bit. A cop notices how fast he is going and pulls him over. 
The cop says to the man, “Are you aware of how fast you were going?”
The man replies, “Yes I am. I’m trying to escape a robbery.”
The cop gives him a skeptical look and says, “Were you the one being robbed?”
The man casually replies, “No, I committed the robbery.”
The cop looks shocked that the man admitted this. “So you’re telling me you were speeding…AND committed a robbery?”
“Yes,” the man calmly says. “I have the loot in the back.”
The cop begins to get angry. “Sir, I’m afraid you have to come with me.” The cop reaches in the window to arrest the man.
“Don’t do that!” the man yells fearfully. “I’m scared you will find the gun in my glove compartment!” The cop pulls his hand out and calls for backup. Soon cops, cars, and helicopters are flooding the area. The man is cuffed quickly. However, before he gets into the police car, a cop walks up to him and says, while gesturing to the cop that pulled him over, “Sir, this officer informed us that you had committed a robbery, had stolen loot in the trunk of your car, and had a loaded gun in your glove compartment. However, we found none of these things in your car.”
The man replies, “Yeah, and I bet that Story teller said I was speeding too!”

Saturday, September 29, 2018

How to Tell if Your Wife is Hard of Hearing

My husband Marks favorite funny:
An elderly gentleman went to the doctor complaining that his wife could barely hear. The doctor suggested a test to learn the extent of the problem. “Stand far behind her and ask her a question, and then slowly move closer to determine how far away you are when she first responds.” The man, excited to finally be working on a solution, runs home and sees his wife preparing supper. “Honey,” the man asks standing around 20 feet away, “what’s for supper?” After receiving no response he tried it again 15 feet away, and again no response. Then again at 10 feet away and again still no response. Finally, when he was only five feet away, “Honey, what’s for supper?” She screams, “Jeez! For the fourth time, I said Chinese!!”

Thursday, September 6, 2018

How to Set Up Camp in Record Time

A dad coming back to his campsite for sunscreen while the rest of his family plays at the lake notices a little travel trailer pulling up into a neighboring empty site. As soon as the engine dies, the doors fly open and four children of varying ages burst out and fly into a frenzy of activity. Their parents follow quickly behind them, with the mom and dad unloading gear as the kids rake the area, set up the picnic table, and arrange the fire pit. Amazed at their efficiency, the dad with the sunscreen walks over and watches for a moment more before commenting to the other father, “I’ve never seen a family work so well together—or so fast. I’m amazed!” “Yeah,” the other dad says while finishing up the RV leveling. “We live a few hours away and our policy is that nobody gets to go to the bathroom after the drive until the camp is set up.”

Monday, February 19, 2018

A Fishing Funny

2 men fishing

Joe and Ed, both from Duluth, Minnesota, were sitting on a pier at the Fountain of Youth RV park at California’s Salton Sea discussing how happy they were to be in sunny California rather than back in frigid Minnesota. As they were talking, Ed noticed something funny about his friend’s ear. “Joe,” he said, “do you know you’ve got a suppository in your left ear?” Startled, Joe replied, “I have a suppository in my ear?!” “That’s right,” said Ed, “you have a suppository in your ear.” Joe immediately pulled it out, then said, “Thanks. Now I know where I put my hearing aid.”

Thursday, May 5, 2016

Dad's Final Request

A father told his 3 sons when he sent them to university:"I feel it's my duty to provide you with the best possible education,and you do not owe me anything for that. However, I want you to appreciate it. As a token, please each put $1,000 into my coffin when I die."

........And so it happened. His sons became a doctor, a lawyer, and a financial planner, each very successful financially. When their father's time had come and they saw their father in the coffin, they remembered his wish.

First, it was the doctor who put 10 $100 bills onto the chest of the deceased. Then, came the financial planner, who also put $1,000 there. 

Finally, it was the heartbroken lawyer's turn. He dipped into his pocket, took out his checkbook, wrote a check for $3,000, put it into his father's coffin, and took the $2,000 cash.

He later went on to become a member of Congress..   

(As told to us by the financial planner who retired to full time RV.)  

Wednesday, October 7, 2015

The Lighter Side of Doctorin'

As traveling RVers, there are times we need to see a doctor we may not be familiar with.  But lets hope it never comes down to this...

An old geezer became very bored in retirement and decided to open a medical clinic.
He put a sign up outside that said: "Dr. Geezer's clinic.  Get your treatment for $500, if not cured, get back $1,000."
Doctor "Young," who was positive that this old geezer didn't know beans about medicine, thought this would be a great opportunity to get $1,000.  So he went to Dr. Geezer's clinic.

This is what transpired:

Dr. Young:  "Dr. Geezer, I have lost all taste in my mouth.  Can you please help me ??"
Dr. Geezer:  "Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in Dr. Young's mouth."
Dr. Young:  Aaagh !! -- "This is Gasoline!"
Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations! You've got your taste back.  That will be $500."

Dr. Young gets annoyed and goes back after a couple of days figuring to recover his money.
Dr Young: "I have lost my memory, I cannot remember anything."
Dr. Geezer: "Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in the patient's mouth."
Dr. Young:  "Oh, no you don't,  --  that is Gasoline!"
Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations! You've got your memory back.  That will be $500."

Dr. Young (after having lost $1000) leaves angrily and comes back after several more days.
Dr. Young: "My eyesight has become weak  ---  I can hardly see anything !!!!
Dr. Geezer: "Well, I don't have any medicine for that so, " Here's your $1000 back."  (giving him a $10 bill)
Dr. Young: "But this is only $10!"
Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations! You got your vision back!  That will be $500."

Moral of story--Just because you're "Young" doesn't mean that you can outsmart an "old Geezer! "