The Bathtub Test

During our last stay in a San Antonio RV Park I had scheduled an appointment with a doctor.  We'd got to talking about getting older and nursing homes and I asked him, "How do you determine whether or not an older person should be put in a nursing home?"

"Well," he said, "we fill up a bathtub then we offer the person a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to empty the bathtub."

"Oh, I understand," I said, "a normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup."

"No," he said, "a normal person would pull the plug.  Do you want a bed near the window?" 

Farmer Johns Chickens

Farmer John lived on a quiet rural highway near Hidden Valley. But as time went by, the traffic slowly built up and became so heavy and so fast that his chickens were being run over at a rate of three to six a day.  So one day Farmer John called the local police station and said, "You've got to do something about all of these people driving so fast and killing my chickens."

"What do you want us to do?" asked the policeman.

"I don't care; just do something about those crazy drivers!" So the next day the policeman had the Public Works Dept. go out to erect a sign that said: 

SLOW: SCHOOL CROSSING 

Three days later Farmer John called the policeman and said, "You've got to do something about these drivers. The school crossing sign seems to make them go even faster!" So, again, the policeman sends out the Public Works Dept. and they put up a new sign:

SLOW: CHILDREN AT PLAY

That really sped them up. So Farmer John called and called and called every day for three weeks. Finally, he asked the policeman, "Your signs are doing no good at all ... Can I put up my own sign?"

The policeman said, "Sure, go ahead." He was willing to let Farmer John do just about anything in order to get him to stop calling to complain.

The policeman got no more calls from Farmer John.
Three weeks later, curiosity got the best of the policeman and he decided to give Farmer John a call. “How’s the problem with those drivers. Did you put up your sign?"

"Oh, I sure did,” replied Farmer John, “and not one chicken has been killed since then. I've got to go. I'm very busy." He hung up the phone.

The policeman was really curious and he thought to himself, "I'd better go out there and take a look at that sign … it might be something that WE could use to slow down drivers."

So he drove out to Farmer John's house, and his jaw dropped the moment he saw the sign.  It was spray painted on a sheet of wood.... 

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"GO SLOW...

 

With Age Comes Wisdom

WITH AGE COMES WISDOM
An RVer at Hidden Valley was sitting in his boat fishing the other day when he heard a voice say, "Pick me up."

He looked around and couldn't see any one. He thought he was dreaming when he heard the voice say again, "Pick me up." He looked in the water and there, floating on the top, was a frog.

The man said, "Are you talking to me?"

The frog said, "Yes, I'm talking to you. Pick me up. Then, kiss me and I'll turn into the most beautiful woman you have ever seen. I'll make sure that all your friends are envious and jealous because you will have me as your bride."

The man looked at the frog for a short time, reached over, picked it up carefully, and placed it in his front breast pocket.

Then the frog said, "What, are you nuts? Didn't you hear what I said? I said kiss me and I will be your beautiful bride."

He opened his pocket, looked at the frog and said, "Nah, at my age I'd rather have a talking frog."

This is the first I heard of these awards and by listing them in RV Giggles...I don't mean to poke fun at the victims of these mishaps rather I hope that they can, along with a little giggle, these catastrophes can serve to teach us little lessons of what NOT to do in our RVs.  I found these in Motor Home Magazine and want to extend full credit to them and the author Larry MacDonald in the July5, 2012 printing:

2012 RV Oops Awards

Photo Credit: Brent Schoonover

Larry Macdonald
July 5, 2012

“What’s the dumbest thing you’ve ever done while motorhoming?”
“Well, to be honest,” replied one fellow when I asked him this question, “in 19 years of motorhoming, I’ve never done anything stupid … until this year.” He then proceeded to tell me his woeful tale. Nearly everyone I asked could recall one or more mishaps they wish hadn’t happened to them. I recorded these mishaps and ranked them on a 10-item scale from dumb (No. 10) to dumbest (No. 1). Usually, dumber things are more costly. Readers may recall last year’s winner (Motor­Home, August 2011) totaled his coach by driving into a tollbooth with a slide extended.
A wise person once said, “Experience is the best teacher.” Maybe so, but a wiser person noted, “It’s better to learn from other people’s experiences.” So let’s have a look at this year’s list to find out why these dumb things occurred, and how you can avoid having them happen to you. Most of these motorhome owners would probably agree that nothing spoils a perfectly fine day like an avoidable blunder.  READ MORE

Can You Believe What They're Calling Us Texans?

Down here in South Texas, many have labeled our folk, "rednecks."  We talk to many RVers from nearby states who also claim the title.  Mind you, we don't take offense at the label, matter of fact, we take pride in being able to poke fun of ourselves.  Besides, it gives us something to live up to.  Hehe.

I even notice that many of my Texan friends on Pinterest have entire pin boards dedicated to "Redneck Stuff."  (Don't tell anyone but I have a file on my computer desktop with redneck jokes, stories and pictures, too.)  During my tenure in Texas, I've come to realize it's a state of heart, not mind.

So in that spirit of reckless self-abandon, I give you the following list of Redneck Medical Terms:

Y'all go ahead and share this now...you know you want to.

Suthunuhs!

Gotta Love Us!

Southerners know their summer weather report: Humidity Humidity Humidity -------------------------

Southerners know their vacation spots: The beach The rivuh The crick --------

Southerners know everybody's first name: Honey Darlin' Shugah --------

Southerners know the movies that speak to their hearts: Fried Green Tomatoes Suthunuhs! Driving Miss Daisy Steel Magnolias Gone With The Wind -----------

Southerners know their religions: Bapdiss Methdiss Football --------------

Southerners know their cities dripping with Southern charm: Chawl'stn S'vanah Foat Wuth N'awlins Addlanna ---------------

Southerners know their elegant gentlemen: Men in uniform Men in tuxedos Rhett Butler -----------------

Southern girls know their prime real estate: The Mall The Country Club The Beauty Salon --------------

Southern girls know the 3 deadly sins: Having bad hair and nails Having bad manners Cooking bad food

Only a Southerner knows the difference between a hissie fit and a conniption fit, and that you don't "HAVE" them, you "PITCH" them. _____

Only a Southerner knows how many fish, collard greens, turnip greens, peas, beans, etc., make up "a mess." _____

Only a Southerner can show or point out to you the general direction of "yonder." _____

Only a Southerner knows exactly how long "directly" is, as in: "Going to town, be back directly."

Even Southern babies know that "Gimme some sugar" is not a request for the white, granular, sweet substance that sits in a pretty little bowl in the middle of the table. _____

All Southerners know exactly when "by and by" is. They might not use the term, but they know the concept well. _____

Only a Southerner knows instinctively that the best gesture of solace for a neighbor who's got trouble is a plate of hot fried chicken and a big bowl of cold potato salad. If the neighbor's trouble is a real crisis, they also know to add a large banana puddin'! _____

Only Southerners grow up knowing the difference between "right near" and "a right far piece." They also know that"just down the road" can be 1 mile or 20. _____

Only a Southerner both knows and understands the difference between a redneck, a good ol' boy, and po' white trash. _____

No true Southerner would ever assume that the car with the flashing turn signal is actually going to make a turn. _____

A Southerner knows that "fixin" can be used as a noun, a verb, or an adverb. _____

Only Southerners make friends while standing in lines, ... and when we're "in line,"... we talk to everybody! _____

Put 100 Southerners in a room and half of them will discover they're related, even if only by marriage.

In the South, “y'all” is singular, “all y'all” is plural. _____

Southerners know grits come from corn and how to eat them. _____

Every Southerner knows that tomatoes with eggs, bacon, grits, and coffee are perfectly wonderful; that red eye gravy is also a breakfast food; that scrambled eggs just ain’t right without Tabasco , and that fried green tomatoes are not a breakfast food. _____

When you hear someone say, "Well, I caught myself lookin'," you know you are in the presence of a genuine Southerner! _____

Only true Southerners say "sweet tea" and "sweet milk." Sweet tea indicates the need for sugar and lots of it -- we do not like our tea unsweetened. "Sweet milk" means you don't want buttermilk. _____

And a true Southerner knows you don't scream obscenities at little old ladies who drive 30 MPH on the freeway. You just say,"Bless her sweet little heart"... and go your own way. _____

To those of you who are still a little embarrassed by your Southernness: Take two tent revivals and a dose of sausage gravy and call me in the morning. Bless your little heart! _____

And to those of you who are still having a hard time understanding all this Southern stuff....bless your hearts, I hear they’re fixin' to have classes on Southernness as a second language! _____

Southern girls know men may come and go, but friends are fah-evah !

There ain't no magazine named "Northern Living" for good reason. There ain't nobody interested in livin' up north, nobody would buy the magazine! Now Shugah, send this to someone who was raised in the South or wish they had a’been! If you're a Northern transplant, bless your little heart, fake it. We know you got here as fast as you could.

1-800-HEAVEN

A man in Topeka, Kansas decided to write a book about churches around the country. He started by RVing to San Francisco and worked east from there. Going to a very large church, he began taking photographs and notes. He spotted a golden telephone on the vestibule wall and was intrigued by a sign which read: "$10,000 a minute." Seeking out the Pastor he asked about the phone and the sign. The Pastor explained that the golden phone was, in fact, a direct line to Heaven and if he paid the price he could talk directly to God. The man thanked the Pastor and continued on his way. As he continued to visit churches in Seattle , San Diego , Chicago , Greensboro , Tampa and all around the United States , he found more phones with the same sign and got the same answer from each Pastor.

Finally, he and his RV arrived in Texas . Upon entering a church in San Antonio, behold, he saw the usual golden telephone. But THIS time, the sign read: "Calls: 35 cents." Fascinated, he asked to talk to the Pastor.

"Reverend, I have been in cities all across the country and in each church I have found this golden telephone. I have been told it is a direct line to Heaven and that I could talk to God, but, in the other churches the cost was $10,000 a minute. Your sign reads 35 cents. Why?"
 








The Pastor, smiling benignly, replied, "Son, you're in Texas now... It's a local call."