Sunday, June 12, 2011

Only a Southerner...

Being an RVer who 'ended up' in the South, let me pass along some things I've come to know..

Only a Southerner knows the difference between a hissie fit and a
conniption fit, and that you don't "HAVE" them, you "PITCH" them.
Only a Southerner knows how many fish, collard greens, turnip greens,
peas, beans, etc., make up "a mess."
Only a Southerner can show or point out to you the general direction
of "yonder."
Only a Southerner knows exactly how long "directly" is, ..  as in:
"Going to town, be back directly."

Even Southern babies know that "Gimme some sugar" is not a request for the white, granular sweet substance that sits in a pretty little bowl in the
middle of the table.
All Southerners know exactly when "by and by" is. They might not use
the term, but they know the concept well.
Only a Southerner knows instinctively that the best gesture of solace
for a neighbor who's got trouble is a plate of hot fried chicken and a big
bowl of cold potato salad.  If the neighbor's trouble is a real crisis, they
also know to add a large banana puddin!
Only Southerners grow up knowing the difference between "right near"
and "a right far piece." They also know that "just down the road a piece"
can be 1 mile or 20.
Only a Southerner both knows and understands the difference between a redneck, a good ol' boy, and po' white trash. 
No true Southerner would ever assume that the car with the flashing
turn signal is actually going to make a turn
A Southerner knows that "fixin" can be used as a noun, a verb, or an
Only Southerners make friends while standing in lines . and when we're
"in line"... 
Put 100 Southerners in a room and half of them will discover they're
related, even if only by marriage.
In the South, y'all is singular ....  all y'all is plural  
Southerners know grits come from corn and how to eat them. 
Every Southerner knows tomatoes with eggs, bacon, grits, and coffee
are perfectly wonderful; that red eye gravy is also a breakfast food; and
that fried green tomatoes are not a breakfast food
Only true Southerners say "sweet tea" and "sweet milk." Sweet tea
indicates the need for sugar and lots of it -- we do not like our tea
unsweetened.  "Sweet milk" is the opposite of buttermilk.
And a true Southerner knows you don't scream obscenities at little
old ladies who drive 30 MPH on the freeway.  You just say,"Bless her
heart"... and go your own way.
And to those of you who are still having a hard time understanding all
this Southern stuff ...  bless your hearts, I hear they are fixin' to have
classes on Southernness as a second language!
And for those who are not from the South but have lived here for a
long time, all y'all need a sign to hang on y'alls front porch that reads "I
ain't from the South, but I got here as fast as I could."
Bless your hearts ...  y'all have a blessed day.  PS...We love Northerners too...used to be one.

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